Do Not Exasperate Your Children

Eph 6:4, Col 3:21

1. God created man and woman, Adam and Eve to marry and form a family of love, and He intended that the next generation would be created in this atmosphere of love as the creation of love. So, He wanted that the human race would be increased and continued to exist to achieve the purpose of creation. Therefore, family is called "creation order". When this creation order is collapsed, this world will come to the end. Now is the time that this creation order of family is in danger. Contemporary family crisis such as no marriage, homosexuality, divorce, and abortion etc. are threatening God’s creation order of family. Most of all, fertility rate is radically dropping. Even though the world average is 2.6, still more than 2.1 which keep the same number, in the last 30 years in the less-developed world, fertility rate dropped from 6.2 to 3.0. In the human history, this is the most rapidly declining time. USA’s fertility rate is 2.09 mainly due to the immigration and Hispanic people. South Korea’s fertility rate is 1.27, 215^th low among 226 countries. African and Islam countries have the highest fertility rate. Can you picture the future of the world and the future of our fatherland? This is the natural punishment to the people who lost love in the family, not the love to enjoy selfishly but the love to serve and care sacrificially. Raising a child is not easy, but a child who learned how to love and care other people is the precious future of the world and God’s Kingdom.

2. God is love, and we are created as the image of God. Therefore, the essential nature of human being is also love, the being who can love others and who is happy when he or she loves others. However, as man was fallen and we are born with original sin of selfishness, we misunderstand ourselves as beings who are happy when we win over others and possess more than others. Satan deceives us so, because it will results in our destruction. Even, as parents, we are easily become selfish. We like to enjoy our children as our possession and tend to control them as we like. Every human being is equal and independent. God gave a new human being to our family to raise with love because they need nurture and protection. They are God’s creature and God’s children, not our possession. Even though we are not foster parent or adopted parent, still they are not ours and they leave us when they are fully grown. We are simply stewards of our children for a limited time.

3. Therefore, we parents have responsibility to love and care so that they would become a human being who can love and care others from God to the weak, and responsibility to nurture and protect so that they would be a human being healthy enough to serve others. Then, what is the worst damage to this wonderful creature? Paul says to parents, especially fathers: "Do not exasperate your children!" Why? Because it results in damaging the core of your children seriously and even irrecoverably. So, Col 3.21 says that "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged!" If you embitter your children, they become discouraged and lost self-confidence, courage to live and hope for the future. This embittered emotion twist the character to the negative side. In a word, it destroys the beautiful human soul and gives a great damage to the whole life.

4. Then, what makes you children angry? William Hendriksen listed six causes: First, by over protection. It damages self-confidence on the one hand, and social courtesy on the other hand. Second, by favoritism. Isaac and Esau became enemy because of their parent’s favoritism. Third, by discouragement. It happens when parents see only negative side, not the positive side. Parents should see their children as the child of God and the agent for His Kingdom. God has a great purpose for your child. Fourth, by ignoring individuality. Every child is unique. When parents want their children to be an exact copy, they become angry. When they compare them with other children, they become angry. Fifth, by neglect. It is a great sin to neglect family, for it is against the command of God to love and care them. David neglect of Absalom resulted in the tragic revolt. Sixth, by bitter words and outright physical cruelty. Child abuse is serious. Abuse results in abuse. Hate results in hate in word and deed. It happens when parents regard their children as their possession not as the children of God or equal human being.

5. Because they are precious children of God, we are commanded to raise them not in our way and our philosophy but "instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Of course, we have responsibility to teach and we may teach our wisdom and faith but as far as it is in harmony with the Lord’s teaching. After all, they are new. We may not corrupt this fresh and new one with our old stains and dirt, with our prejudices and misconceptions. The Bible contains "the training and instruction of the Lord": "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."(2 Tim 3:16-18) We need to give them the map of the world, the correct one which is in the Word of God. Our map could be helpful, but imperfect and partial. The Lord’s instruction is love, but ours is mixed with secular and selfish desires. Parents easily corrupt the pure and beautiful soul of child with selfish desires. God loves and cares the little ones than adults. Jesus said that "the kingdom of God belongs to children" and therefore "anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."(Mk 10:14-15) Jesus even condemned those who damages child: "if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea... do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven… your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost."(Matt 18:6-14)

6. Respect your children as the precious children of God, who might be better than you in many ways. They could be anything in the future. Do not look down. The small children of our congregation when I served 20 years ago became great people now, and it will happen continuously. In this fallen world, we corrupted adults are learning from their purity and honesty. Our children are our teachers.

7. We need to learn from our brother and sisters in Christian Reformed Church. They raise their children in the training and instruction of the Lord within golden triangle. They immigrated little earlier than us, and they devoted their lives not simply to make their children worldly successful but to make them healthy Christians. So, they raised their children in the pious triangle of family worship, Christian school, and church education. God gave the wonderful next generation to our community. I am happy to hear from Sunday school teachers that our children are spiritually healthy and growing. Love them and do not hurt them. Raise them not as a selfishly ambitious child but a human being who can love and care God and other people. They will lead our world and our church in the next generation!